The Grind

the grind

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Feeling Insecure?

insecurity
We live in a world that values bigger, better and faster, and because of this, it can be difficult to overcome your insecurities and become a confident person. There isn’t an individual walking this Earth that doesn’t deal with insecurities. Insecurities entangle us for a variety of reasons. It might have started as a child, or maybe you were mistreated from a parent, a significant other, or someone who you care(ed) about. Or maybe you experienced a traumatic event that’s now altered your way of thinking of yourself. All in all, whatever the reason is, I want you to know that your insecurities do not define you.

One of the gifts of life is the ability to grow as individuals. To that end, you have the power to overcome your insecurities and reclaiming your self-confidence. Obviously this is easier said than done, as there are many factors that cause them however, IT IS possible. Furthermore, it’s easy to become insecure when you constantly compare yourself to others. What you fail to realize is that person who seems as if they have it “all together”, surely doesn’t. They have issues they’re dealing with too. Instead of comparing yourself to others, assess how much you have grown, what you’ve achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. In the paragraph that follows I offer a few pieces of advice to overcome insecurities.

The first step in overcoming your insecurities is being honest with yourself and identifying them. Think about where it is that you’re lacking confidence. After you found the origin of the problem, you will find it is much easier to address the insecurity. Secondly, invalidate the issue. Do this by practicing positive self-talk. There is power in the tongue and what you tell yourself is what you will believe about yourself. Furthermore, change what you have the power to change. For instance, if you’re insecure about your weight, sign up for a gym membership and work out. If the insecurity is something that you cannot change then you have to work on accepting it. Pray on it and ask God for acceptance and understanding. Lastly, surround yourself with positive people and get rid of individuals who take advantage of your insecurities. You can do this, I promise!

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

Peace & Love,
Mr. Obas

Finding peace with your absent father!

absent fatherI was fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent household. My father is the epitome of what a husband should be. The best thing he ever did for my siblings and I was treating my mother like the Queen that she is. His kind and loving ways has trickled down to me and I’m eternally grateful for him. Sad to say, several of my peers, and many around the world in general, can’t say the same thing. Although I cannot relate to not having my father around firsthand, I have seen it affect people close to me. This excerpt was inspired by a recent conversation with a friend and I dedicate it to everyone who can relate.

Having a negative relationship with your father can be the cause of much heartache and stress. I’ve noticed many of my friends’ frustrations and simply giving up on trying to repair the relationship with their absent father. They’ve accepted or come to the realization that they’ll probably never have a positive relationship with him so they completely shut him out to avoid any sadness. If you’ve never met your dad that’s one thing (I’ll write about that in another post) however, if your father is around but the relationship is inconsistent, I don’t think that you should necessarily give up hope. Throughout your teenage years, you may say (I don’t care about him, I don’t need him, he ain’t s***, etc.) and you have every right to feel this way. But as you enter adulthood and start a family of your own, it’s extremely imperative to try and fix that relationship with your father or gain an “understanding” with him.

I want to make it clear that I’m not an expert and I don’t have the answers. I don’t think there is solely one solution in repairing a broken relationship with an absent father. There could be a variety of reasons as to why he’s been missing. However, I offer 3 pieces of advice in moving in the interest of finding peace. First and foremost you must understand that you’re not the reason why your father left. Don’t make excuses for him as to why he’s absent, simply put; it’s NOT your fault. At the end of the day, he’s a grown man and made the choice to leave (I’ve heard friends blame themselves). Additionally, prior to speaking to him, you should know exactly what you want to get out of the conversation. You might want an explanation or for him to apologize-either way identify the goal of the discussion. “I feel” statements are powerful and you should absolutely use them. For example, “dad I felt abandoned when” has a difference in connotation as opposed to “you abandoned me”. He may see the situation otherwise and may try to argue that he didn’t. You can never negate anyone’s feelings when you preface the statement with “I felt” because how YOU feel is valid! Lastly, one of the rules of communication- it’s not what you say but how you say it. This is your opportunity to be frank and direct. Articulate your thoughts and feelings but channel your emotions so that you don’t verbally attack him. Doing so may cause him to shut down and the conversation won’t be productive.

In closing, pray on it and be patient. Remember that your relationship with your father didn’t fade away overnight. It happened over the years and it’ll take time to rebuild. In the end, all you can do is try and if he chooses to remain astray, then so be it. Whatever you do, just find peace with your absent father!
Peace & Love,
Mr.Obas

Welcome!

Salutations,

It is with much honor and excitement that I cordially invite you into my world. This is not just a blog, but a place to consistently explore a miscellany of topics. While I am not perfect—then again, who is?—I would like to inspire my readers through my personal experiences.

So what exactly will I be writing about? Well, the sky’s the limit. Among other things, I plan on discussing issues including etiquette, love/lust, relationships, education, poverty, fashion, sneakers, art, sports, domestic violence, traveling, chivalry,HBCUs, Greek life, issues in the African-American community,entertainment, race & class, politics, everything gentlemanly, and current events. I’m always inspired by life and will write about anything that touches my heart at the given moment. I am more than confident in saying that there will be something for everyone in my writings, so feel free to check back often. I also encourage you to leave meaningful comments on my posts.

For those of you who don’t know who I am, allow me to introduce myself. I am a…. On second thought, I’ll let you figure out what I’m about through my writings. Ladies and gentleman, without further ado, I am proud to launch Mrobas.com: Inspirational Writing for You and Yours!

Peace and Love,
Mr. Obas